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The Need for Real Conversations

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Aurora Mazzoldi — Real conversations (detail of the acrylic painting “Mother 4 - The Possibilities”)
Aurora Mazzoldi; Real conversations (detail of the acrylic painting “Mother 4—The Possibilities”)

Q: Will we one day be able to have real conversations and not be ashamed of ourselves? Sometimes, we feel that we can’t talk to our family and friends about certain issues because we think they won’t understand. So, we continue to hide. It’s getting harder and harder, but we still try to appear different from who we are.

Ultimately, though, we feel a bit empty inside. The superficiality, the need to always wear the same mask, eventually becomes boring. Even if we could have real conversations with friends, we have gotten used to joking with them, without ever going into depth. We worry that we’ll come across as boring or too serious. We don’t accept emotions and tend to avoid emotional intimacy with relatives and friends. Their criticism makes us feel ashamed. So, we switch tactics. We show criticism instead and show superiority. But this approach doesn’t allow us to initiate real conversations.

They Are also Afraid to Accept Emotions

What if they don’t accept emotions and have the same problem we have? Maybe they’re afraid to discover themselves, to go deep. Maybe they’re afraid of our criticism. It’s easy — and gives us a great sense of power — to make fun of those who open their souls. We can show how superior we are. We have the same concerns, but the mask we wear doesn’t. So, we can believe that we are our mask.

3 Masks. ByLeonardo AI.
Source: Leonardo AI

The Game of Showing Superiority

This is how the game of showing superiority goes on. We can feel superior and force the other to stay on a superficial level. The other person can do the same. The result? We are both superior, but we neglect ourselves and our needs. We live to show our masks.

But when people show up as they are, we appreciate them. When they take off their masks, when they speak on a deep level, when they start real conversations, we appreciate them. When they show up as they are, we accept more their emotions and what they say. We find it hard to attack them. We are ashamed of our superficiality.

Is there a solution? Can we try to open up? We can always close again (many of us are well-trained to do this). We can start joking (or mocking) and being superficial again if the other person does not accept our attempt to open up.

This Site Is a Place for Real Conversations

You can share opinions, comments, and experiences on the page: Introspective Questions

There, you will find a form to fill in with your experiences.