Couple’s Relationship

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Couple’s Relationship

(Estimated reading time: 2 min, 13 sec)

Q: What does a couple’s relationship lead to? It can mean living better than alone, or worse. What does it depend on? 

According to Ezra Pound, thinking divides, feeling unites.

Falling in love, love, living together and marriage are all synonymous with the same intention: to create and strengthen a bond (couple’s relationship) with another person.

Some psychologists claim that the search for a partner is based on the primary caregivers: parents or educators who took their place.

But let us now focus on the drive that drives us to seek a partner for a relationship. Why this partner and not another?

According to some Eastern teachings, it is important to balance the yin and yang of our inner world.

Other teachings place more importance on a favorable astral conjunction when conceiving a child.

Some scientists believe that the relationship is based on an instinctive impulse — they call it physical attraction — fed by pheromones.

For others, destiny is at work.

Couple's relationship. Acrylic Painting by Aurora Mazzoldi.
Aurora Mazzoldi; Couple’s Relationship. Acrylic painting (detail)

The introspective view

We have a couple’s relationship when two people come together to resolve their inner discomfort.

They hope that the other will provide a viable solution, if not the only one that exists. In the latter case, they rely on their partner. The unconscious choice of this trap leads to suffering.

Can individuals, “other than ourselves”, resolve our internal conflicts? Can they fill our emotional voids? or heal our deep wounds?

We attribute great power to the other and entrust him or her with a task that is impossible to accomplish.

Couple's relationship. Man and woman at the computer.
Source: Leonardo AI

The couple’s relationship is a fluctuating interaction between two partners, and their concerns.

This interaction sometimes helps and sometimes hinders the possibility of developing a relationship.

Wrong expectations when looking for a partner

The first mistake we make, is to see the choice of the “right” partner as the goal of our life. This choice will solve all our problems. It will give us the parent we didn’t have, the center of our world. It will give us the sure answer to all our existential doubts. In a word, it will give us a great, powerful, magical character that will guarantee us happiness and fulfillment forever. If such a character came into the world, it was only to fulfill this task.

Does that sound funny to you? You may smile as you read. However, I guarantee that all of us have some of these expectations to a greater or lesser extent. Some have more, some less, but they affect us all.

Marital Power games

This is because, to some extent, we are trying to remain children. We cannot grow and mature as we should. We remain “babies” — as I call them — who daily stuff their agenda with supposed RIGHTS. Then we use power games to manipulate others. Click here! You’ll find an example of power games causing problems (and not just for the couple).

This is not a cynical or a pessimistic view of life. It is REALITY.

I suggest you consider what I write, even if it is different. Try for a moment to put aside your morality and your inner judge. Your goal now is not to judge or condemn, but to UNDERSTAND. You are now like scientists, detached, curious and motivated.

Understanding can “heal” more than any other remedy.

Aurora Mazzoldi - The Unexpected - acrylic on canvas free processing to highlight the inner judge
Aurora Mazzoldi – The Unexpected – Acrylic on canvas (free processing to highlight the inner judge)

Antonella Giannini