Couple’s Relationship

“Thinking divides, feeling unites.” (Ezra Pound)

Falling in love, love, living together and marriage are all synonymous with the same intent: to create and strengthen a bond (couple’s relationship) with another

person.

Some psychologists claim that the search for a partner relies on the primary caregiver figures: parents or educators who took their place.

But let us now focus on the drive that drives us to search for a partner for a relationship. Why that partner and not another?

According to some Eastern doctrines, it is important to balance the yin and yang of our inner world.

Other doctrines give more importance to a favorable astral conjunction when conceiving a child.

Some scientists believe that the relationship is because of an instinctual impulse — they call it physical attraction — fed by pheromones.

For still others, it is destiny that acts.

The introspective view

We have a couple’s relationship when two people meet to resolve their inner discomfort.

They hope the other provides a viable solution, if not the only existing one. In the latter case, they rely on their partner. The subconscious choice of this trap leads to suffering.

Can individuals, “other than us”, resolve our internal conflicts? Can they fill our emotional gaps? or heal our deep wounds?

We attribute great power to the other, and entrust them with a task that is impossible to perform.

The couple’s relationship is a fluctuating interaction between two partners, and their troubles.

This interaction sometimes promotes and sometimes hinders the possibility for a relationship to develop.

Wrong expectations in the search for a partner

The first mistake we do, is to see the choice of the “right” partner as the goal of our life. This choice will solve all our problems. It will give us the parent we didn’t have, the center of our world. It will give the sure answer to all our existential doubts. In a word, it will provide us with a great, powerful, magical character that will guarantee us happiness and fulfillment forever. If such a character came into the world, it is only to carry out this task.

Does this sound funny to you? Perhaps you will smile when you read. However, I guarantee that, to a small or large extent, all of us have some of these expectations. Some have more, some less, but they affect us all.

Power games in the couple

This is because, to some extent, we try to remain children. We cannot grow and mature as we should. We remain “Babies” — as I call them — who stuff daily their agenda with supposed RIGHTS. Then we use power games to manipulate others. Click here! You’ll find an example of power games causing problems (and not just to the couple).

It is neither a cynical nor a pessimistic view of life. It is REALITY.

I suggest considering what I write, even if it is different. Try for a moment to put aside your morals and your inner judge. Your goal now is not to judge or condemn, but to UNDERSTAND. You are now like scientists, detached, curious and motivated.

Understanding can “heal” more than any other remedy.

Antonella Giannini