A good Inner Research shows how to deal with problems.

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Inner Research — How to deal with problems

(Estimated reading time: 3 min, 6 sec)

How to deal with problems? Inner inquiry shows us the reality of the environment or plane in which we live. Seasons alternate and follow each other, changing and bringing with them plants, animals, and even us human beings. We are all immersed in a river that flows without ever stopping. Why do we often not want to consider this reality?

It’s unfair!

Often we almost have the impression that certain realities, with their brutal way of being, are in our way, create limits and offend us: they are there even if we don’t want them to be. Why, for example, if I have an idea, a project, a wish, do I have to wait so long to see it realized? Why, if I like something, can’t I have it?

I might be older in a few years. And, if I’m okay with that, it’s because I’m not sure if I’m going to live to an old age.

Okay, that’s the way it is and there’s nothing we can do about it.

We have found a way out of this problem — which is beyond our control: we act without considering reality.

I can’t live with this sword of Damocles hanging over my head!

We don’t want to know about inner research and don’t want to work on ourselves. We move to a level of unconsciousness, more superficial and are full of hectic activity, nervousness, and agitation.

How do we begin this process?

Victim of difficulty

When something does not please me or causes me pain or makes me unhappy, I feel a victim of the difficulty. This results from the rational feeling, which then becomes certainty, that I am suffering injustice. I must protect myself from reality! But how, when reality is all around us?

I escape into reverie and create a tailor-made reality that I like best.

Aurora Mazzoldi -The whisper of the victim- Acrylic painting "The Choice" (detail) - Inner Research — Aurora Mazzoldi; The whisper of the victim; acrylic painting “The Choice” (detail)

In school

For example: I get a bad grade at school, and the teacher says I don’t study enough? That’s because he’s prejudiced. He dislikes and rejects me.

How many of us haven’t complained about a teacher in high school? You just had to convince yourself of it, and you didn’t have to work harder and study, but it was the teacher who had to change!

We were just poor victims of human injustice.

Lesson at school - Franklin D. Roosevelt Library and Museum, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons. Example of inner research — Lesson at school. Franklin D. Roosevelt Library and Museum, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.

In the office.

Another example: I am working on a project with my colleague at the office, and we disagree about a detail. She accuses me of not getting it. I tell her that her ideas are outdated. We sulk and hold our position. We are stuck.

The real problem

When dealing with problems, what is the real issue, the one worth considering and solving, the goal we should be focusing on?

Is it to get the project done or to keep bickering?

It is often humbling to step back rather then show the other person that they can’t afford to fight us, and that we are right. If we give in to the temptation, our focus shifts and the real problem remains unresolved.

The fictitious problem

When we feel victimized, we create fictitious problems. We react to perceived offenses — and give vent to some of our emotions; we focus on secondary or perceived problems, to divert energy in power games, to dramatize.

All of this takes us away from our original goal.

birth

During the most intense contractions, — when she was about to give birth — Alike reacted to the pain by stretching herself like a rubber band and screaming. However, in doing so, she stiffened her muscles and contrasted the process of giving birth.

The midwife called her back to herself. “This is not helping your baby to be born!”

Alike tried to escape the pain and that had become the most urgent problem, the only one. It was a fictitious problem, one that she couldn’t solve until the baby was born. The real concern was to facilitate the birth of her child, and then the pain would stop.

How do you avoid falling into this trap?

When faced with an ambiguous situation, I ask myself: “What is the real concern, the goal I want to achieve?” This keeps me more focused and in touch with reality.

Often it’s difficult, and I follow the emotion of the moment, but as soon as I realize it, I can come back to myself. I redirect my attention and focus it on the real concern.

Aurora Mazzoldi

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